I admit it - I'm in a lousy mood...My mother is brutally reminding me that my birthday is tomorrow, and is literally insisting that I drag my family into a big family dinner to celebrate the fact that another year has gone by, and I have failed at every goal I set for myself last year. My Mom set up a really nice lunch a couple of days ago, which was supposed to be my "birthday celebration". Well my brother in law didn't show, so all of a sudden it wasn't a family event anymore. Now we have to do it again! He didn't show because he doesn't like these things - and I can totally understand that. Personally, if faced with a family event (baby shower, wedding shower etc) I try to either book a mammogram or root canal for that very unfortunate time. (do you know how hard it is to book a mammogram on a Friday eve. between 7-9pm???) Anyways, my point is, not all of us like big family events, and with the stress of all the Christmas visiting looming in my mind, I am ready to find a hole to hide in until this wonderful season is over. I am rather miffed that my Mother refuses to respect my wishes to forgo the birthday BS. Really, I'm in my 40's now and I fail to see the point in taking people away from their busy Christmas preparations to acknowledge the fact that all I've been able to accomplish this year was to keep myself alive. I have not written a book; I have not lost 20lbs; I have not made a difference in a stranger's life (not that I know of at least); I have not improved my career status; I still can not offer my daughters even half of the cool things their friends have and most of all - I can not get my Mother to listen to me!
So now you are thinking to yourselves "My God does this woman not appreciate the fact that she DID stay alive for another year? She kept a roof on the family's head, kept them fed and schooled, while keeping her marriage alive? Is she not thankful that her family cares enough to celebrate with her?? She must be the most selfish B---- in the world!"
Of Course I appreciate everything and everyone in my life! It's ME whom I am disappointed with! To be deserving of other people's time and admiration, one should really have made more of an impact during the course of a full year than the one left behind on my office chair from my ass! So, YES, I am a big grouch this year, and I know that my terrific husband and lovely daughters will do their best to make my day special tomorrow - but the fact remains that life is what you make of it - if you let a year slip by without making your world a better place - then all a birthday really is, is a celebration of space taken up on the planet.
Thankfully, I am too antisocial to do the facebook or twitter thing, so I will not have to feel the false love of all my "friends" who send birthday wishes to everyone on their friend list. The only thing worse than being treated like something special when it is completely unwarranted by your family, is having a bunch of insincere well wishes from people who don't even know you. So if you don't know me, but for some strange reason, you are still reading this, don't bother to say "happy birthday you old grouch" because I won't care!
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